Thirty Minutes
by kymm
Summary: Perry Saturn gets a little stranger, Trish needs a boyfriend, Spike blows up, and a new woman is introduced into the World Wrestling Federation, and she’s kind of ugly. This all could have taken place backstage on the 6/14 episode of Smackdown!


A Day In The Life ****

Thirty Minutes

****

Summary: _Perry Saturn gets a little stranger, Trish needs a boyfriend, Spike blows up, and a new woman is introduced into the World Wrestling Federation, and she's kind of ugly. All that and then some more. It all takes place in the last thirty minutes of Smackdown! _

Note: Time goes forward in this story, but it is all located in a thirty-minute period. Don't worry; it sounds more confusing then it really is. 

__

"Oh, Perry." Sighed Terri Runnels, as she felt a new lump on Perry's head begin to form. 

"I can't believe this…." Muttered Dean Malenko. "Miranda! I'll call you!" he shouted after his date. 

"Yahtzee!" said Perry, sounding confused. "You're welcome!" 

"Oh, no!" moaned Terri as the cameras covering their double date were shut off. 

"Hair scrunches were invented to prevent babies." Said Perry, matter-of-factly. 

"That's right, Perry." Soothed Terri. "_Dean_, aren't you going to do something?" she growled at Dean. 

"Like what?" asked Dean. "He already ruined my date! I almost scored with that chick." 

"Oh, Dean. Shut up; you already have a wife." Terri snapped. 

"But…he ruined…it…." Stuttered Dean.

"Will you go get some of the Federation paramedics! Perry could be hurt!" 

"Oh, all right!" Dean exclaimed. "He's crazy! Nuts!" he yelled as he wandered off to find help.

"Look at the crayons." Said Perry. "The blue one is for fiber. The green one is for calcium." 

"That's right, Perry." Muttered Terri, and she continued to rub his head. _I can't believe this, _she thought to herself. 

****

Meanwhile, at the arena, we find a stalker…

The backstage area was starting to get quiet. There was almost nobody around; save the spare technician, or some wrestlers, who were leaving the building since there was only 30 minutes of _Smackdown_! left. 

Being alone was a good thing. She needed to be alone. No one knew that she was here, except for her father, since he had sent her. 

She sneaked around the corner, which led to the video room. The video room was the term for the small, cramped closet where a technician put camera footage of happenings backstage onto the titantrone. When she was putting footage of Sara on the air, she had to make sure that the technician had left the room. It was usually a different technician every time, so it was east to get them out. She had many accomplices. In fact, she didn't even make the videos. Hunter and her father did that. She just got them on the air. 

She had another accomplice, but he wasn't really involved at all. He did whatever she asked him to do. He was a puppet. He would sneak into the video room, and get the technician to think that something was WRONG. The technician would leave, and she would sneak in, put the footage on, and she would run, and escape.

She was waiting for him. He had to get here soon! She stood just behind the corner, waiting for him. Where the hell was he? 

"Stephanie? What are you doing here?" 

She screamed, and fell over. She quickly stood up, and turned around to see who had discovered her. 

"Oh my god!" she said, noticing how ugly she was. Her dress was actually nice, a purple short sleeved, long-skirted dress, but it was too tight for her, and she had wide hips. She almost looked like a man. "How did you know who I was?"

"That doesn't matter!" hissed the woman. "I have to get out of here…they'll find me!. I have to go! Need more makeup…." With that said, she walked off, high heels and all, in the opposite direction. 

She looked after the woman in horror, wondering what her problem was. She really _did _need more makeup. 

She turned back around and waited for her puppet to come. 

****

Meanwhile, in the same arena, Trish Stratus is depressed. 

Trish sighed, and combed through her long, thick, blonde hair. She didn't know why it wouldn't happen to her. She was beautiful, she had assets, and she had slutty outfits. Why wouldn't any man fall for her? They just looked at her body, and they never tried to seduce her? Why? Not only was she pretty, but she was smart, too! No one seemed to care!

Steve Blackman was a great example. She had tried to win him, but all he cared about was his kendo sticks. Grand Master Sexay was gone, and Vince McMahon was just for the camera. When the camera was off, he had completely ignored her. Just to think – at one point, she had actually felt something for him. He was a bastard. He was a complete bastard. That's why she had helped Linda McMahon out. 

She sat, feeling rejected, when she saw a woman walk by. She was almost falling out of her high heels – she could barely walk in them! Her dress, a lovely shade of purple, barely fit her. It was too tight, and she didn't have much of a figure to show off. It was short, and she was wearing black nylons. Her black hair was piled up on her head, and some bangs were poking out in awkward places. 

She was quite ugly. 

As the woman passed Trish by, Trish asked, "Um, excuse me, are you new here?" 

"Oh!" she said in a very high pitched voice, "Yes. I was uh…just leaving now. I'd better get going!" 

"Wait! What's your name! Maybe we could talk. I can tell you all about the men in the World Wrestling Federation that you wouldn't want to date, because they're losers." Trish said. 

"Oh…uh, my name is Shane… I uh, mean Shayna. Shayna Mc…uh, Mc…Mon. I have to be going now, so I'll catch you around. Uh…ta ta!" she said, her voice cracking as it rose steadily higher. 

"See you around Shayna." Trish said, and Shayna McMon ran away. As she ran, Trish could hear her say, "Can't let anyone know who I am…cameras…." 

"What a strange woman." Trish commented to herself, and continued to chew on her nails, and run her free hand through her hair.

****

Meanwhile, Perry Saturn escapes….

"Here I am!" said Dean. "Paramedics, all the paramedics you need, Terri. I hope they fix that wacko's head, so he doesn't ruin another one of my dates." 

He looked around. The restaurant was empty. "Terri?" he asked. "Terri, this isn't funny. Come on, the paramedics are here." 

He sighed. "Damn it!" 

"Dean! I'm right here. I can't find Perry anywhere. I had to use the bathroom. When I came back, he was gone." 

"Oh, great!" said Dean, exasperated. "Now the nutcase is out somewhere, telling people that condoms are meant to eat!" 

"Don't be so hard on him." Terri replied, and she came out of the kitchen, where she had been looking for Perry. 

Dean ignored her, and turned to the paramedics. "Stay here. We have to find Saturn." He gestured to Terri. "Come on, let's get going." 

"Where?" asked Terri. 

"I'll look at the arena. It's right next to this restaurant, so he might have gone over there. Actually, you stay here and search the restaurant." Dean said. "When we find him, we're going to fix him. If he doesn't get fixed, I'm never going on another date with you two again. Well, I take that back. I'm just not going on dates with you two anymore – period! Miranda, oh…I almost had that chick." 

"Yeah right." Replied Terri. 

****

Meanwhile, Spike Dudley and Molly Holly run away from Steve Austin, after Spike rips up Austin's petition. They arrive in a safe place. It may be safe from Austin, but it certainly isn't free from strange strangers…..

"I can't believe he called you a bimbo! I'm going to kick his ass, and win the WWF title!" Spike roared. 

"Spike, calm down. You don't want to have a heart attack and die before your title shot."

"I can't calm down!" Spike screamed. "I just hate him so much. 'My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I am the World Wrestling Federation Champion!' Who cares? Do you care, Molly?" 

"No." she replied. 

"Neither do I!" yelled Spike. "I'm going to kick his ass, he's going to lose the title. I know it Molly. I know it! I'll show Bubba and D-Von that I don't need their help." 

Molly smiled and nodded. 

That's when Spike noticed a woman walking by. "Hey, miss, come here!" he yelled at her. She walked over, and Spike noticed how ugly she was. 

"Yes?" she asked in a really high-pitched tone. 

"What's the time?" he asked her. 

"I, uh, don't have a watch." She said shrilly. 

"Are you all right?" inquired Molly. 

"No!" she said, her voice dropping to almost a manly voice. "I'm just trying to wreak havoc on my father, and I keep getting distracted." She snapped. 

"Huh?" asked Spike. 

The woman pulled at her hair, and it fell to the floor. It was Shane McMahon! 

"Shane?" asked Spike. 

"Yes! I'm just trying to find my father. I wanted to confront him, and tell him about…something!" he said. "I needed to get past security, so I dressed up like a woman." 

Molly laughed. After a couple of seconds, Spike started to laugh too. 

"Well, what would you have done? I just borrowed some clothes from Stacey Keibler, and I just casually passed by the guards."

"Creative." Commented Spike, and Molly continued to laugh. 

Shane shrugged. "If you think that's creative, I told Trish Stratus my name was Shayna McMon, and that I was a new diva in the WWF." 

They laughed even harder. 

"Right." He grumbled. "You two have fun, stay out of trouble." He turned around, right into a security officer. 

"Don't bother." Shane said as the officer approached him. "I'm leaving." 

"Leaving happens on trees." The security guard said importantly. "I like to eat walnuts, and blue ones are for fiber." 

"Yeah, sure." Said Shane. 

"I'm involved with a shrew." He said importantly. "The shrew likes to eat bananas." 

"Hey, my girlfriend is cranky in the morning too," said Shane. "But I don't talk about her behind her back." 

"Choo! Choo!" the officer roared. 

"Man, that guy's screwed up." Noted Spike. 

"There might be something wrong with him." Agreed Molly. 

Shane blinked, and looked closely at the man. "That's not an officer…that's Perry Saturn!" 

"Oh! He's been acting really strange lately." Said Molly. 

"Jeremiah was a bullfrog!" he yelled. "I am the no red guy!" 

"I think I'll be leaving now." Said Shane. "I don't want to find my father."

"Did Perry put you out of the mood?" asked Spike, a hint of amusement in his voice. 

"Just a little." Shane affirmed. 

"Yahtzee!" Perry exclaimed. 

"Bye!" called Shane as he walked away. 

"You're welcome!" shouted Perry. 

****

Meanwhile, Dean searches for Perry… 

"Hello, there, beautiful." He rumbled at a woman, sounding almost like The Ladies' Man. "Have you seen Perry Saturn?" 

"No. Get away from me, you sick perv." She said. 

"I often get that response from women! Don't judge a book by its cover!" he shouted after the woman as she ran away. 

He sighed, and continued walking. Why did Perry have to run away? It wasn't his fault –it was Terri's fault. Couldn't Terri have just held herself until he had come back? _Ugh, women. They just have to go to the bathroom – all the time. She probably was putting makeup on. _Dean thought angrily to himself. That was the one thing that he hated about women – he loved everything else. He even loved PMS – women were sexy when they were angry and cranky. 

"Yo! Shane 'O Mac!" Dean shouted, as he spotted The Boy Wonder walking towards the exit.

"What?" he asked. 

"Have you seen Perry Saturn?" 

"Yeah!" he replied, and he walked to the entrance where Dean was standing. "He's just around that corner, talking to Molly Holly and Spike Dudley. He's dressed up like a security guard. He's really whacked." 

"I know. He ruined my date! I almost scored with that chick!" Dean said. "Anyway, thanks. And, good luck with your WCW Invasion." 

"Thanks. WCW will be up and running soon. See you around." He said with a wink, and he walked away in the opposite direction. 

"Wait!" Dean called. "What's with the dress?" 

"Uh…long story. See you." 

"Whatever." Said Dean, and he walked down the hallway to find Perry. 

He started down the hallway, when a side door slammed open from right in front of him. 

"I like to see monkeys in the zoo. They eat peanut butter and jelly." A voice from behind the door said matter-of-factly. 

"Perry!" exclaimed Dean, relieved. 

"My name is Sergeant Pepper. I come from Mars." Said Perry, and he embraced Dean. 

"Ugh, get off of me!" said Dean. Perry did so; and continued to blabber away. 

"Mars has retro aliens, and they're pink." Said Perry. 

"Come on, let's get out of here." Grumbled Dean. 

"You're welcome!" said Perry enthusiastically. 

****

And what about Trish? 

"Hello." She said to K-Kwik as he walked by. 

"Hello." He said, sounding confused. 

"That was a great match against Matt Hardy." She breathed. 

"Yeah. I didn't win." He replied. "Look, I'm a little angry right now. What do you want?" 

Trish sighed. "I just wanted someone to talk to." 

He looked a little confused. "Aren't you with that Steve Blackman guy?"

"I'm in his corner at _King of the Ring, _yes. But, he only talks to his kendo sticks, and he's no fun." Pouted Trish. 

"Oh." He said, looking uncomfortable. 

"What are you interested in?" asked Trish. 

"Oh, I don't know. Rap music, guitars, volunteering." Shrugged K-Kwik. 

"I used to volunteer. I was a nurse. But, I got into the World Wrestling Federation, and I've quit my medical training." Said Trish. 

"Oh! I always wanted to be a doctor." Said K-Kwik, and he took a seat next to Trish. "I never really got into it, though. I'm more athletic." 

"Yeah. People always think I'm some kind of slut. But, I actually can be fairly intelligent." Said Trish. 

"You always seemed that way. But, you seem pretty smart now that I talk to ya." Said K-Kwik.

"You know." Said Trish. "It's nice talking to a guy who takes me seriously." 

Trish smiled at him, and K-Kwik smiled right back. 

THE END 

Did you see how the events all connected to each other! : P 


End file.
